Impulse (2008)

If you’ve read my book, you know I’m a big fan of the old nudie-ruffies they used to make back in the 1960s and 1970s, before the concept was co-opted by the big studios as the “erotic thriller.” Well, I stumbled across the movie Impulse, an erotic thriller from the director of K-911 (a movie I pitched to write, believe it or not). Ordinarily, that wouldn’t have inspired me to hit the play button on the Roku remote, but this particular flick stars Willa Ford, a young lady who made a name for herself during the heyday of Britney and Christina with a sort-of hit called “I Wanna Be Bad.” Figuring she might get naked (c’mon, gimme a break), I decided to give the movie a look.

To answer the most important question, heck yeah, Willa Ford gets naked in this movie. But the movie itself is just the kind of dreadful that makes me feel the need to share it with the world, largely thanks to the actor who plays Willa’s husband, a chubby, greasy-looking fellow who I at first thought must be the director, so desperate to roll around with a naked Willa Ford that he cast himself in the movie — because the idea that Willa would delve into the gene pool and come up with this guy as the Number One choice to intertwine with her naughty portions requires a level of suspension of disbelief that I’m simply not capable of. Seriously, it’s like watching Herbert Lom bang a hot chick. It wasn’t until the credits were rolling that I made the connection: Angus MacFadyen = guy who was in freaking Braveheart, for the love of God. Now, I don’t know what kind of direction he received or if it was simply his own choice to assay the role in the manner he did, but seeing ol’ Angus huffin’ and snarlin’ and running around with Willa’s purse hanging off his ankle is almost worth the price of admission itself, so astonishingly screwy is his performance.

The plot involves some nonsensical erotic role-playing thing that Willa and her husband get into, but eventually there’s a Startling Twist that annoyed me because I knew it meant the movie was gonna expend the rest of its energy on that instead of getting Willa into (and out of) saucy outfits. But if you want some good laughs and a chance to see Willa Ford quite naked, then give Impulse a look. Hell, I think I might even watch it again.

Apes: **
Bourbon: *****

And while we’re on the subject, here’s the video for “I Wanna Be Bad.” It’s probably safe for work if you work in a place where hot pants and suggestive undulations are a-ok. Be warned, though: listening to the song makes me want to blow my brains out, so you might wanna turn the volume down.

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