I’m way behind as usual, so here’s a review from my book Unsafe On Any Screen to keep the cheese a-flowin’.
Italian director Ruggero Deodato (best known for the excruciating-to-watch classic Cannibal Holocaust) leaves off the disembowelment (well, mostly) and instead serves up a trio of nutty — and potentially murderous — women who like to get naked a whole lot.
Super-stacked Vida brings her sleazy boyfriend Yuri home one night, arguing with him all the while. Just like every argument I’ve ever had, this one leads to a wild bout of sex in the refrigerator. Vida’s sister Ludmilla perches on the stairs to watch, clinking on a triangle as the Frigidaire frolics unfold. Still pissed at Yuri, Vida tells the greaseball to get lost once she’s had her way with him. Early the next morning, Ludmilla comes downstairs to grab some booze, only to find the dismembered corpse of Yuri stuffed in the washing machine.
A hunky police Inspector arrives, but the body has mysteriously disappeared and Vida, Ludmilla and their sister Maria are all acting pretty damn screwy. Ludmilla is accused of being a souse, and the Inspector departs. Soon, however, the sisters begin haunting the Inspector, showing up at weird times and coming on to him. Ludmilla (a drummer with an orchestra) flashes some leg and hands over a stack of love letters, claiming that Yuri had the hots for Maria, which roused the jealous ire of Vida. Meanwhile, Vida (gymnastics coach by day, hooker and/or stripper by night) insists that Ludmilla is nuts -— and by the way, has the Inspector asked her about her dead husband? Maria (who teaches blind folks the violin, when she’s not engaged in lesbian shenanigans with her lovely young students -— talk about reading Braille) simply runs hot and cold, driving the Inspector to distraction with her shapely form.
The Washing Machine is like a bizarre cross between Petticoat Junction and Basic Instinct, with the sisters fighting over borrowed blouses when they’re not using the Inspector for a scratching post and trying to incriminate one another as the flick shuffles along to its fruity climax. Deodato, never one to shy away from delivering the groceries, doesn’t let us down with this flick —- the sisters are constantly shucking their clothes and squirming around in the most entertaining of ways. My favorite scene (purely for Deodato’s fine directorial flourishes, of course) is when Ludmilla hikes her skirt up, slips out of her skivvies, and uses them to wipe salad dressing off the Inspector’s crotch -— while he’s on the phone with his girlfriend. Solid sleaze for your rental buck.
(This trailer is almost certainly NSFW)
For more funky movie reviews, check out my book Unsafe On Any Screen:
And you might dig my new novel, Squirrel Eyes (a story of lust, movies and more):
Not to mention my collection of short stories, Tales of Misery and Imagination: